(no subject)

From HP fic )
[Spoiler (click to open)]
I'm taking you to the Animagi Support Society. - told him Dmbledore. - You're gonna like it there, Harry. *Established by Hermione?*
He is just like Voldemort - short, red-headed and wear glasses!
Tears were threading her face and her eyes were burning with hatered. She determinately shook them off her face.
Harry saw James shagging Sev in the pensive.
Will you give me the number of your owl so I could write to you?
- Fuck me, fuck me hard, Sevrus! - whispered Miona's aroused breasts. Man took off his pants, unbuttoned his trousers and throw them into the fire in the fireplace, removed his coat and mounted Hermione.
Avada Evanesco!  *"Hmm... Avada totalus? Maybe Finite Kedavra? No, that isn't gonna work either... Oh, I think it is  time for me to retire..." - mournfully thought Voldemort.*
Harry's trained brain put two and two together and draw a staggering conclusion *FOUR!*
He felt the need to mount his broom and run away from here. *Must be hard to run with a broom between your legs...*
Snape grabbed Harry's leg slightly over the elbow.
Good night, professor, - Hermione smiled at him with her sparkling black eye .
Dobby was a slave, but he was a free slave, and he loved Harry's sock!
Harry saw the snitch and almost fell off the broom with excitement.
Sirius faced the Counsil, showing them his package. They were impressed.
Dumbledore gazed kindly at Harry, playing with his wand under the table.
Filch started to run, but it was too late. Peeves already have finished with the Fat Lady's portrait, and flew away into the darkness yelping with satisfaction. Fat Lady only could cry with indignation.
Death Eaters stood in the Burrow's doorway. At the kitchen door stood Molly with a curving knife in her hand. Death  eaters exchandeg looks - Lucius was missing!
- Good morning, Jucius.
- Good morning, Minevra.
- Lord Volpendort you can, kill me, but you will never dominate the world!
- Why is that, you silly girl?
- Because you don't have pheniks eggs!
- ha-haha, omibous mugician roared with maniacal laughter. But I do have the eggs and he opened flappers of his robes and showed the eggs, everyone shyly turned away.
Martian

(no subject)

Rule 34 is an endless source of hilarity even if one doesn't find its mere existence hilarious; the example I'm giving here would be laughable in any context. I don't think it's accessible to non-Furaffinity users because it's adult-rated but here's a link anyway.

The part I'm laughing at involved Martin the Warrior thinking he'd been betrayed by Lady Amber. In what is supposed to be a serious rage, he confronts her; when she starts to explain herself, he says "That's utter cow-skite! You've ruined me!" Two sentences later, when he's supposed to be slightly less angry, he says "What the fuck are you talking about?" The mental image of Martin casually saying "fuck" at the best of times is refusing to form, but the contrast with the minced oath which I also can't imagine him using is killing me.

The same fic includes written-out all-caps moaning sounds; various other baby-swears such as an adult character using the word "poo" when not speaking to a child; and this is really just a nitpick but I'm not sure one can use the same terms for gay people in a universe where neither Sodom nor Lesbos ever existed, though canon still refers to plants like "pennyroyal" when they don't use currency so yeah.
death note LJ

I only have myself to blame

....when a fic's title, Aaroniero finds out about Tentacle rape, can double as the summary, there's little doubt about the quality of what the story's gonna be.

Aaroniero tentacle porn is a dime a dozen,but this one goes above and beyond snuffing out a few of the characters, a three part focus on Rukia (because obviously) but this somehow manages to slip in sideways Orihime bashing in the mix, too in the last four paragraphs of chapter  8:

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*Edited for rules. Sorry 'bout that *bows*

Super Smash No

So people have been doing these summary word searches, so I did one too- with a twist. I did a search for summaries of fics for certain titles in the Super Smash Brothers series. They are from the section of the host game, and the word I used to find them is random.

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Mods, I would like tags for Metroid and Kirby, please. Thank you!
Reading - Dorian
  • mprice

Harry Potter/Twiilight crossover.

From the Just In page of the Pit.

I'm Alyson Potter and this my story !

SUMMARY: Bella swan is not clumsy shy girl people think she is she is a witch sister of James Potter now when she goes to school one day she sees one of her best friend and what if he has the most tragic news and what will happen after that Its better then u think i just dont know how to write good summaries

I wondered it the story contained any punctuation and found it to be completely unreadable because of HTML tagging bleeding into the actual text.

The summary alone just screams Mary Sue.
Reading - Dorian
  • mprice

OT Sunday - a badfic dramatic reading

From the Pit: Sonic and the Great War
Summary: Sonic and Tails have to go to ponyville to help fight in the great war. Will they survive? RATED M FOR SEX

This story has EVERYTHING!
Except proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, coherency and...plot.

Props on avoiding the use of a Mary Sue and just going with inserting oneself directly into the story. I pray that this is a troll fic.


This video is from Masako, a member of Team Four Star, the geniuses behind Dragon Ball Z Abridged.

If I've missed any fandoms, please add them to the tags. There are so many in this mish-mash.
amuswt

In Which There is Bad Anatomy and Racial Tensions Are Expected to Dissolve Overnight

Man, I haven't posted on LiveJournal in ages. But I was browsing the pit for a rather uncommon pairing (Velanna/Nathaniel from Dragon Age), and when stumbled across this summary, I immediately thought of this community. (Tabris is an elf, and Alistair is a human. Emphasis mine.)

Human titles
Kallian Tabris and Alistair's breakup make both of them racist. Fortunately for Zevran, this allows him to express some unrequited feelings. Also, Alarith, the Alienage shopkeep, has a complicated relationship with an elven blood mage. Bevin and Amethyne have a fluffy relationship while Nathaniel and Velanna's is complicated. More pairings within and forthcoming.

I skimmed it and, yes, it's as stupid as it sounds. A couple of choice passages from the first chapter are included below the cut. There's some mild smut. Spork in bold.

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L is showing off some hip bone!

The title of the story made me expect some werewolf AU, but it turned out to be just your average Light/L slash:

When The Wolf Calls

Two passages stuck out, though...

There was L's hip bone.
Between L's baggy clothing and strange postures, the bone would occasionally slip into view.


Yikes! I know what the author means, but the description makes me think the actual bone is visible...
Although, given this further musings by Light, I'm not too sure anymore:

Or...or was it smooth? Pleasant, like a polished river rock?

After the story skips over the sexy bedroom action, Light goes on to reminisce:

Strange, scrawny L...he couldn't block the memory of the taut back under his hands, or the ecstatic moment when he reached that sweet, velvety abyss...

I'm not sure what the "velvety abyss" is supposed to be, but since they were kissing just before, I suppose it's his mouth?