kirandor (kirandor) wrote in badfic_quotes,

The Contract From Hell

I'm in bed sick, so what better way to amuse the clouded brain than reading some badfic?

At first, I only wanted to post some summaries, but this one made me look:

The Contract From Hell

All is quiet in the skyscraper...until Misa barges in with a contract signed by Light saying he will MARRY HER! Panic ensues where L, Light, and Matsuda are whisked into an 'early marriage vacation' with Misa. While on vacation could Light convince L and Matsuda to help him shred the contract? Or be his best men?

Afternoons around the skyscraper were always the slow times. Light was reading a newspaper, L squatting at the computer console (as usual), and Matsuda was dueling himself in Pokemon.

Apparently, they are not busy catching Kira anymore. Finding a mysterious mass murderer could not possibly have priority over playing Pokémon.

"Who died and made you king, doughnut boy? As a matter of fact, don't you have a butler? Water-something or whatever...ask him."

I hope you like the nickname "doughnut boy", because this is not the last we will see of it.
Also, why doesn't Light know Watari's name? If they are in the skyscraper, Light has been working there for quite some time. And aren't names kinda his business?

There is a knock at the door and Light and L send Matsuda to open up.

Stumbling up Matsuda called out, "Hey! You can't go back there! It's not for civilians...and you just went back there anyways... Damn. Light! L! I think whoever it is wants to see you!"

I don't know why they open the door in the first place, since it can be assumed anyone allowed to enter would have a key of some sorts, but wouldn't they have at least video surveillance? This doesn't make any sense.
And wouldn't Matsuda call L "Ryuzaki"? Especially if it is "a civilian"?

"Dammit, but I need protection! Stop rolling the goddamn chair!" Light called just before he stumbled and fell on his chin. Before he could recover Misa was already upon him throwing Evee, Mew, Riolu, and Growlithe at him. Pokemon hurt.

Apparently, courtesy of the story, Light turned into a clumsy wuss. By the way, this is not the last we will see of Pokémon, either. Does anyone even play it anymore? I mean, I remember when the game came out and that was back in the 90s. It seems to be a card game, though. I'm lost.

"I'll sue you for sure if you don't marry me!" Misa cried shoving the paper in Light's face.
Oh shit, I forgot about the damn contract! I'm totally screwed!

If you assumed Light signed the contract to get Misa's Shinigami eyes or something of the like, as I did, you are wrong. Somewhere around here it dawned to me that the story is set in an AU without any Death Notes, where nobody knows Misa.
Also LOL at Light forgetting he signed a marriage contract. It seems like something you would remember.

Light asks Misa to get him a soda.

"Ah Light, you're already trusting me with daily activities! We'll be like a modern married couple in no time."

Because in a modern relationship, the woman brings the man his beverages!

"Do you mind if I could be one of your best men? I have an old prom tuxedo I could wear."

I'm pretty sure they don't have that in Japan. A prom, I mean. Not sure about best men either.

Light elaborates upon why he agreed to marry Misa:

"I got tricked into signing the contract. I called for the bill to sign so I could ditch her there. Turns out the waiter was Misa's manager and the 'bill' was that marriage contract.

Light Yagami, number one student in Japan who even outmaneuvered L tricked by being given a marriage contract instead of a bill. Priceless.

Light asks L and Matsuda to help him get out of the contract.

"No, no, and no. If you think that I'm going to help you (keep in mind you called me 'doughnut boy'), you have another thing coming. Besides there's nothing in it for me."

L is so smart, he can even speak in parentheses.
He then goes on to offer help, if Light buys him sweets for a month. They start negotiating, until this happens:

"Four weeks, take it or leave it doughnut boy."

I said it wouldn't be the last of "doughnut boy", didn't I?

L brightened at that. "Deal! And no take-backsies!" L said smiling a smug smile.
It only took a nanosecond for the reality to hit Light: four weeks was a month. "DAMMIT."

That seems exactly like something L would say.

Light claims that the marriage contract was the only time he was outsmarted by Misa, but somehow I don't buy that. Especially with this gem from chapter 5, in which they are travelling in Misa's private jet:

Light tried in vain to loosen the straps across his waist and finally gave up after 10 minutes of fruitless tugs.

Come on, it's a safety belt on a plane! It's not that fucking hard. Even if you never worked one before, it can't take more than 10 minutes to figure out how to open it.

There are 13 chapters in total for you to check out, if you are excited to know what happens next. I will call it quits here and take some cough medicine.

Tags: death note
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