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Bible fanfiction 
4th-Feb-2014 03:11 pm [bible]
For some reason I delved into bible fanfiction in the pit. I don't know what I was thinking... I will not actually spork this because I have no idea where to even start

Oh crap, I'm pregnant
Jesus cheated on his husband, Satan, with Nicolas Cage and is now in labour, about to give birth. Includes: MPREG, Slight Gore, M/M, crocs and Miranda Cosgrove. You have been pre-warned.

I wont c/p everything bad here because a) it's nearly everything and b) the fic has less than 650 words. Just follow the link. Warning by me: Don't eat or drink before reading this.
Oh, and this is the sequel
4th-Feb-2014 03:19 pm (UTC)
Jesus cheated on his husband, Satan, with Nicolas Cage

Laughing so HARD!

Thanks for that summary.
4th-Feb-2014 09:18 pm (UTC)
My pleasure
4th-Feb-2014 04:51 pm (UTC)
Points to icon....
4th-Feb-2014 09:18 pm (UTC)
My face when my mind connected what I was reading itt the first time
4th-Feb-2014 05:07 pm (UTC)

My only coherent thought is: it makes a certain very odd sense to have Jesus be capable of mpreg, considering.

Everything else has sprained my brain.
4th-Feb-2014 09:20 pm (UTC)
Oddly enough, you are right
4th-Feb-2014 07:47 pm (UTC)
Why Nicolas Cage, of all people?

You could also put in a warning for blasphemy, I suppose, but this is just so ridiculously, LOLariously cracktacular that it's simply not worth bothering.
4th-Feb-2014 09:21 pm (UTC)
I have no idea.

To be honest, bible fics that land in this community could all do with a blasphemy warning
4th-Feb-2014 09:12 pm (UTC)
These are sick genius. Nicholas Cage??? Eew...

4th-Feb-2014 09:23 pm (UTC)
Well, this is what he is most famous for...
5th-Feb-2014 03:01 pm (UTC)
No need to spork it. I took one look and just went AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

But I did peek at it. This is the first paragraph.

It's been 9 months since I told my long standing husband, Satan that I was pregnant – and since then, our relationship has deteriorated with every passing day. If I'm honest, I understand why he hated me. If your husband was pregnant with Nicolas's Cage's child, you'd be pretty dam pissed to. Of course the first thing that he asked when I broke the news was "Holy fuck, Jesus! But you're a guy?" It took me a while for me to explain to him that in actual fact, I have both genitals. But that was in the past.

in actual fact, I have both genitals. But that was in the past.

I couldn't read any further. *explodes*
6th-Feb-2014 06:51 am (UTC)
Then you missed the best part *snerk*
I read it, then stared, then tried to understand what I read...
6th-Feb-2014 02:31 pm (UTC)
Best part? Oh shit, what's that?

Do I want to know?

(It has a sequel, why?)
6th-Feb-2014 03:13 pm (UTC)
You don't want to know, it gets even more bizarre.

And the sequel is actually the prequel how he got pregnant. Appearantly, people asked for a sequel... ( I don't get it either)
8th-Feb-2014 04:47 am (UTC)
People actually asked for a sequel to this? *weeps bitterly*
8th-Feb-2014 10:59 am (UTC)
I like to think it's like a car crash. It's bad and a catastrophe but you still have to look
6th-Feb-2014 01:17 am (UTC)
jesus had two genitals. lmao yeah tell that to the jesus who lived. well okay, maybe when he 'resurrected' God had somehow thought to give him both for .... I can't even begin to comprehend this whole thing. Why did I even try.
6th-Feb-2014 06:52 am (UTC)
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