Er, so it's my first post here. I hope I have the format right and everything.
I believe this fic has already been posted here, but there are some more gems I have risked my sanity to trawl up. I'm beginning to think it's a joke, but if so the author deserves recognition as a master of the badfic art.
They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice.
“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall.
“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape.
And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”
"Mediocre dunces"? Somebody is very proud of their new thesaurus, apparently. Nice OOC Draco, too.
AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!
She won't update until we give her good reviews? Oh... oh dear god! What can we do?!
"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snape demeaned angrily
Hmmm. "To demean". Interesting choice of verb, dear. Also, in the fic-universe, isn't Snape saying "what is it you desire?" usually followed by him taking his clothes off?
I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco
Er. I think the word you may be looking for is "virginity".
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly.
BEST. LINE. EVER.
Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. [....] I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.
Erm, if you're crying blood to begin with, is there really a lot of point to cutting your wrists as well? Also, that's some steak.
Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!
“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
...who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)...
Yes. Yes it is.
We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!”
It was……………………………….. Voldemort!
A "croon" voice? Erm, I'm sorry? And apparently Voldemort has converted to Islam. Interesting.
I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar.
Wow, I wish we got to do that in my Bio class.
Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!
OK, this is just getting silly. Enough.
EDIT: I couldn't resist one more:Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111