Fresh noob meat. Mmmmmmm. I'm absolutely terrible at introductions, can't you tell?
Please tell me if this has been done before. I've looked around, and I'm pretty sure that it hasn't. But I have been known to make mistakes before.
This is a Harry Potter fic, titled 'My Immortal'. The first sentence is Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!).
That should give you a hint at what's to come. Let's get officially started, shall we?
I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch.So, what we have here is a vampire witch, with a very good dentist it seems. Hm, interesting. Go on.
I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. No, we would have never guessed.
A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.I totally know how you feel. Whenever people stare at me I put up my ring finger at them.
“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!The voice.....Shouted! And I'm guessing she had to look up to see him because the people she put her middle finger up at were about a foot tall.
My coffin was black ebony..Black ebony is my favorite colour, y'know.
I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced earsI didn't know you had to have pierced ears to put in earrings! Wow!
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. The ultimate way to show a friend you love them: Put them in your Mary-Sue fanfic.
Just then, Draco walked up to me. “Hi.” he said. “Hi.” I replied flirtily.MARY-SUE POWERS, ACTIVATE! FLIRTY ONE WORDED RESPONSE MODE ENGAGED!
“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he said."Ummm... I don't know if I need to fix that one. Shouldn't it fix itself?
I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC........Um.
He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).I honestly can't tell what that last sentence says. I wonder, how was the author was able to write it?
Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!DUN DUN DUUUN!
Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.....There are no words.
And then…. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!..Am I the only one amused by the mental image of Dumbledore showing up out of nowhere screaming 'MOTHERFUKERS'?
Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well."Wait, why is Snape the only one who's alright with this?
I spray-painted my hair with purple.Hm. I wonder how they were able to put purple into a spray paint can.
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milkMmmmm. Delicious muggle food soaked in blood.
He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko....I'm the sicko here? Wait, I'm the one still reading this. I guess I kind of am at fault here.
“My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” Oh lord..
We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. How does one French passively, I wonder?
he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)Please, don't make me answer the painfully obvious.
“VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.Apparently, people in England like to use the term Motherfucker a lot. To bring you up to speed, Ebony found out that Malfoy might have been cheating on her with Harry. In reality, they used to go out before Ebony and Malfoy got together. Malfoy also is very well endowed, and likes to chase people around in the nude. Fast forward a bit, to Ebony's first encounter with Voldemort.
He didn’t have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Voldemort!
“Crookshanks!” I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.This seems bad now, but wait until he starts speaking..
“Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!”...Ouch. The pain.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.Kind of like the look I have right now.
“I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.I wish I could fly angrily away on my broomstick every time I encountered a Mary-Sue. And that I hathed telekinesis.
I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666.Now how could you ever be upset if you were rehearsing with a band called Bloody Gothic Rose 666?
The other people in the band are B’loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid. ...
I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.Slut? You? Pfffft. The thought barely crossed my mind.
But if I don’t kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!” I burst into tears.
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.Wild Draco appeared!
“How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)Like I said before, this needs no answer.
“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”... That's all I'm doing for tonight. This is too painful. Earlier the author mentioned that Draco was probably 'slitting' his wrists, and that it didn't matter because he was a vampire too and couldn't die. Hm. That's odd.
...This is a tad long. Sorry about that. Can you believe this is 44 chapters long?
Full story over this way: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2828044/1/My_Immortal
EDIT: Okay, so now I know that this is more famous then I gave it credit for. I'm so sorry for choosing it without reserching more. I really need to go on here more often.
Again, I'm very sorry for wasting your time.