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Badfic Quotes!
You just can't stop a train.
The Rules (Please Read Before Posting)
1. Be nice - mock the story, and don’t mock (or threaten!) the author. Remember, most of us probably have a badfic skeleton in our closet. (kma definitely does, and is willing to show her own badfics from days gone by.)
2. No linking to LJ accounts. Post the quote but no link or username in this case. Linking to communities is okay.
3. Don't post whole chapters or whole fics (even drabbles!). Also, don't post only links to badfics.
4. Please LJ-cut any long/sexually explicit/gross entries. Also, please don’t use any naughty icons in posts (but using them in comments is fine!)
5. Any member of this community found to have attacked/trolled an author whose quote has been featured here in their personal LJ/site/ff.net/by e-mail, will be immediately banned. This also applies to grudgewankers.
6. As we have had duplicate posts in the past, please check the first page and the memories/tags for your fandom to see if the quotes you want to post might have already been posted. Yes, we have seen "My Immortal".
7. If you need to mock a badfic for its bizarreness, do it in one entry. Seeing the same fic mocked over and over again chapter by chapter is extremely annoying, pisses off the mods and might get the entry deleted. Certain exceptions can be made for fics in a series, but this will be up to the mods to decide.
8. Don't assume readers will magically know what fandom your post is from. Either tag the entry, or put it in the subject line. This will also assist the mods in archiving the posts. (You're welcome (encouraged!) to tag the entry with the name of the fandom, if it has already been featured. If it has not been featured yet, a mod will make a tag for you.)
9. Although this community is largely for bad fan fiction quotes and summaries, bad quotes from other sources (fic reviews, weird stuff encountered IRL) are allowed - although we do ask you to mark them OT in the post title. Badfic-related things that are not quotes are also allowed as (occasional) OT posts. We do ask you not to post quotes from author profiles on various fanfic sites as this breaks rule # 1.
10. For authors of the quotes featured here - you've posted your fic on a public forum, and thus, it can be read and commented on by everyone. We're just featuring bits of your stories that create bizarre mental images and amuse us greatly. We've got nothing against you personally. (And yes, we do have real lives. We don't spend all our waking hours mocking.)
11. Please limit the badfic quotes with comments to 1000 words and under to avoid the "tl;dr" syndrome. If you want to post a longer sporking, you’re welcome to post it in your personal LJ and link to it in your post. Also, if your post consists of in-jokes between you and your f-list, please keep it in your own LJ.
12. OT posts should be limited to Sundays. If you come across a flier, syllabus, email, non-fic posting, what have you, please hold off on posting it until Sunday. Profic is still considered badfic and can still be posted on any day.
13. If you ignore said rules once, the mods will warn you and possibly delete your entry. If you ignore the warning, further action will be taken, possibly resulting in a temporary or permanent ban.
14. For posters of the quotes featured here -- they MUST be in a public domain. No snagging unposted material from an unsuspecting source to mock here. (Your own unposted material is okay, as you were only unsuspecting when you wrote it.)
15. Do not use language (in your commentary or in your comments on posts) that is sexist, racist, ableist, homophobic, or otherwise hurtful. It is neither funny nor cute, and will not be tolerated.
16. If the badfic excerpts you posted are more readable than your comments, you're doing it wrong. Grammar has been abused enough in badfics; please do not abuse it any more. Capitalization, spelling, and punctuation are our friends, so let's please live in harmony with them.
17. Mods are not your best friend. They're not soft and cuddly. They uphold the rules that are in place for a reason. Arguing with mods and calling them jerks if they tell you you're doing [insert rule or common sense thing here] wrong will not endear you to them. Don't forget the mods can ban you if they so desire, which they will most likely do if you call them names. One of the mods is the community founder and the rest are long-term members who know what they're doing.
18. If you wish to advertise a community here on badfic_quotes, please contact a mod for approval before doing so.

(The Unwritten Rule: Put down any drinks/food/sharp objects before reading the community. You’ll be happy that you’ve avoided spewing/choking/impaling yourself later!)

If you have any questions or would like to report a rule violation, contact the moderators, kma, mprice, sarcasticsra, and subluxate. They don't bite. Unless you ask them to. Mod placeholder post here.

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Our current user icon has been made by kma.

Since the community has grown quite large over the years, effective May 1 2008 it is switching to moderator-approved posting access. TO RECEIVE POSTING ACCESS, PLEASE COMMENT HERE.

For issues with other members or if you think there is abuse going on in a post, you can-->CONTACT A MOD HERE
Aaand he/she's back. With more badfic. OOCness, poor word choices, and WTF-ery abound! [Another one for the Frozen tag, thanks!]

Cut for NSFW sexytiemzCollapse )
makoto huh
Already Frozen is feeling the fanfic love... in that special way only The Pit can. Collected awesomeness from one author's fics. I didn't even bother sporking some of these, because, well. [A Frozen tag for this, mods - thanks!]

NSFW sexytiemz content under the cutCollapse )
[Revolutionary Girl Utena] Utena
It's... definitely been a while since I've posted anything here on LiveJournal. But I was poking through the RG Veda crossovers on FF.net and found this: a crossover between RG Veda and Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle!

... wait. They're both CLAMP work, and Tsubasa is basically a massive crossover between most of CLAMP's work. And--and--

Never mind. Onward with some choice excerpts. It looks like the fic takes place during volumes 8-10 of RG Veda, if memory serves.
Read more...Collapse )

24th-Aug-2013 02:37 am - More Walking Dead BS [the walking dead]
illegal tender, del
I like torturing myself and everyday a new 16 year old watches Walking Dead and thinks she can write. Share my pain. Daryl, I hardly knew ye - he sould stop going in the woods...
Curtesy of The Pit...Collapse )
2nd-Jul-2013 01:20 pm - Digimon Summaries of Joy [digimon, wtf]
There doesn’t seem to be enough Digimon sporks. Which is a shame, because that fandom is full of lulzy people. Spork in bold.

Taiora-Years after Digimon, and a messy brake-up, Tai and Sora reunite
A brake-up? So...they have a problem with their car?

Sora is forced into a miai arranged marriage with Matt at fourteen, even though she want's to be with Tai. Sorato to Taiora.
If you want a translation from Fangirl Japanese to English, “miai” means “arranged marriage”. Calling the Department of Redundancy Department.

***CHAPTER 5*~*~ UP*~*~ Taichi is beating up takeru Abuse? whats this about Takeru and Hikari that has angered Taichi and made Sora so upset at Taichi! WHy is mimi being not herslef
Can someone help me read this? For added fun, the title is literally formatted like this- “Unsure*Feelings~*~”. The spelling and grammar inside is better than this, but still has some lulzy mistakes like Tai’s new last name, “Yamiga”.

Mimi is an officer from 100 years in the future who must travel back in time to stop the legendary man called Mega Playboy! The future depends on her success but what happens when the playboy is a loser who is allergic to girls? -Discontinued-
This is the summary of a badfic. It is also the summary for the anime DNA2. Hooray for originality!

Takeru, Hikari, Daisuke, Taichi, Sora, and Yamato all wander through this tale of sabbotage on the fronts of love. Kudos to Irving Berlin and Savage Garden for the songs, and the Wachowski Bros for a quote. Taichi is not very nice, so be warned.
Yes, a double songfic. Told you this fandom was fun.

Oh, and here’s a title for ya-

My chocolate covered boyfriend RemusLupin
Wut? This is Digimon, not Harry Potter. ...Granted, this is actually a roleplay with a friend who has the username “RemusLupin”. But that kinda makes it more WTF-worthy.

And the winner, inside a Taiora fic-
“Yeah, I know, Tai and Sora are OOC, but 1)it's ten years after 02 and 2)I've only seen eight episodes of 'Digimon,' three of which were 02 and Tai and Sora were barely in them.”
Then why are you writing Digimon fic?!
Someone decided to make a fic about all the talk show hosts going up against Jay Leno. Because apparently Jay Leno is not just guilty of the whole Tonight Show debacle – he's also a rapist/racist/all around creep! And by the way, everyone's gay! (and it's actually explained why in the fic, believe it or not). It's about as offensive as it sounds.

Features bizarro versions of all your favorite hosts (who are all doing each other?), including Conan O'Brien, Dave Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Craig Ferguson, Stewart & Colbert and more.

NSFW and mentions of sexual assaultCollapse )
16th-Jun-2013 10:30 am - This just in... [dc elseworlds, summaries]
Another Excuse - Klaus
I've been under the weather the past few days. That's the only reason I can think of that would possess me to click on the JUST IN link in the Pit. I saw this summary for a fic in the DC Elseworlds fandom, of which I know zero.

Alpha-centauri: this story is bout a half dragon/phoenix trying to find his own way in life. after his family destroyed there universe they were forced to move to a star called alpha centauri along with other fugitives of his universe. while he is trying to figure out who he is and deal with school and stuff he learned that something followed them.

Spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors aside, there are still more words in this summary than there are in the two chapters posted, which is because they aren't really chapters. They're an announcement of a story to follow. Um...why bother posting anything if you don't actually have a fic?

And for the records, WTF is a half dragon/phoenix? How does one live on a star? After surviving a universe destroying Apocalypse, he goes back to school? Just how old is scale and feather boy anyway?

This looks sporkatacular just from the summary alone.

Update: Less than 2 hours and this gem has already been deleted.
don't know

Upon the advice of a very dear friend, I watched Silver Linings Playbook with Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence.

Apparently, I've been away for too long and forgot about bad!fic - so I stumbled into the pit of despair and brought back these jewels.

Oh god, Someone pass the brain bleach...Collapse )

6th-Mar-2013 09:34 pm - Summaries From the Pit [eragon, final fantasy x]
Some summaries collected from the FFX and Eragon sections of ffn...comments in italics.

It's like unwrapping a present full of poor decisions.Collapse )
Fire Emblem OTP
but as the students return for their seventh year at Hogwarts, why has Draco become a baby bore?
And that's for calling one of your house mates that heinous epitaph!
I don’t know what you’re up to or what convoluted plan you’re thinking up, but Harry isn’t rational right now. He just went through inheritance in the worst possible way, and ran off to who knows where carrying a severed head.
11th-Dec-2012 01:18 pm(no subject) [yu yu hakusho]
Title: once upon aaww who cares
Summary: just shut up and read touya/oc and kurama/oc. not a yoai i hate those

I can hardly contain my excitement.
illegal tender, del
After setting the rating to ‘M’ and selecting Daryl as a character this is what I got after just two pages over at The Pit. Puts a whole new meaning to the tag line "Fear the Living".Daryl Meets a Girl in the Woods...Collapse )

south park kmanderson
I was reading a JAG fic that deals with the aftermath of Harm's ramp strike, when I came upon this gem:

When he finally did wake up he was in so much pain. He had several broken vertebrates along with a broken leg, hip, and arm.

Is it just me, or is anyone else imagining Harm squishing a bunch of gulls on the way down after he ejected from his plane?
For my first spork, a wordsearch! (Do let me know if I did something wrong.) The word is: ANGLE. Surprisingly, there were a few summaries using it correctly... but most weren't. Anyway, the word popped up so much (over 1000 hits!) that I filtered by "supernatural" and then "romance" to weed out as many not-typo'd angles as possible.

*tilts head*Collapse )

"Hush, Hush" tag needed, I think?
House Porn
Okay, I know the fanfic writers of Supernatural are probably younger than the fanfic writers of House.  However, I wasn't quite prepared when I went to the page at the Pit.

Read more...Collapse )
15th-Oct-2012 12:32 am - The Death Gun [death note]
The summery to the imaginatively titled story "Death Note" is sporkeriffic enough:
Spork away!Collapse )
10th-Oct-2012 06:20 pm - Daddy Does Dallas House [house]
House Porn
Chase has brought House a new patient who brings back the past. Nine-year-old Gretchen is the spitting image of her mother, but she has some of her father in her too.

Until he pulled out.
9th-Oct-2012 05:21 pm - the box is alive! [warehouse 13]
From a very confusing "Warehouse 13" fic:

"...in his arms an unconscious looking box wrapped in festive paper."
How can a box be unconscious? Or, alternately... conscious?

(Mods: We need a "Warehouse 13" tag.)
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